My wish for you …
Is to be happy. To feel love. Joy. The kindness of others. Acceptance. To have laughter in your life. To have moments of such amazing fun—silliness even—that the giggles take over your face, your sides ache, and your breath comes only with each peel of bliss. To know that you are special and irreplaceable. One of kind. A gift to the people who are lucky enough to know you and have you in their lives. To truly know this and value yourself. To have self-respect and respect for others, if for no other reason than to accept that we are unique and, by that definition, do not have to be alike.
I value my happiness, because I know how it feels to have none. To have my world so covered in black. In sadness. To not feel any hope or reason to continue. To be so lost in tears and darkness that the truth seemed evident. Happiness wasn’t meant for me. It was meant for other people. Other people smiled. Other people laughed. Other people felt love. But clearly, my life had turned to pain and intended on staying that way.
I felt that way for a very long time. Too long. And then long enough.
I found a happiness in my life that I never thought I would. It wasn’t easy. The path, long. But the cost was worth it. There are still aspects of my life that never seem to get easier, though. Never better. Only harder. And this might just be proving to be one of them.
All I’ve ever wanted to do with my writing is to share fun, happy, exciting, stories filled with love and laughter to brighten your day and make your world a happier place. To share everything I wrote above in my wish for you with you through my writing. To put a smile on your face, and through my words, share love with you. And I still feel this way, but I also feel like I might be breaking instead of bending in this ever increasingly challenging publishing environment.
I love to write. I love thinking of you and your happiness and how much I will make you Squee! when you read what I write. And I love when I’m successful in doing so, and you gush and squee at me. You make my days, and you fill my heart!
I’m sitting here, though, demoralized and uncertain—contemplating what to do from here. I’ve been trying to write my new novel for days now, but I found out the reason why so many of your reviews were pulled, and I’m angry, frustrated, and feeling lost. Amazon and FB are sharing info. Because your love of reading has drawn you to me and my books, and because we did what people do on FB, we became FB friends, your reviews are considered non-legit. If you, my readership, are not allowed to write supportive reviews for me, then how will I be able to grow my readership and sell my books? And without selling my books, how can I justify the thousands upon thousands of hours I spend writing, promoting, and marketing them? I wasn’t expecting to become an overnight success—although that would have been lovely <smiley face>—but growing my readership is vital to continuing.
I’m not fishing for compliments. I’m just facing reality and am at a crossroads. The happiness that I found, that I spoke of above, I’m sure you guessed it—it’s my honeybun, Paul. And what I’m having to accept is that although I love to write and share and to have you be a part of my life, because you, too, are a happiness, I never thought I would have, the problem is selling my books. Getting the word out. That’s not your problem, it’s mine. But it’s getting harder and harder to do, and trying to sell my books is making me very unhappy. It makes me feel unsuccessful. It makes me low and unworthy, and that is impacting the happiness I fought so hard to find and have in my life.
So. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. There’s a big part of me that wants to write this next series of books and knock your socks off. I would feel giddy clapping in my heart for sure to make you smile again. But until I can knock the funk that has settled flatly across my enthusiasm, I want to give my wish to you again.
My wish for you is to be happy. To feel love. Joy. The kindness of others. Acceptance. To have laughter in your life. To have moments of such amazing fun—silliness even—that the giggles take over your face, your sides ache, and your breath comes only with each peel of bliss. To know that you are special and irreplaceable. One of kind. A gift to the people who are lucky enough to know you and have you in their lives. To truly know this and value yourself. To have self-respect and respect for others, if for no other reason than to accept that we are unique and, by this definition, do not have to be alike.
I am so thankful and grateful for having you in my life!
Always. Hugs and silliness and love and laughter and chocolate,